FUSIONED - DIRECTED - WRITTEN AND CORRESPONDED BY: MENASSA 2001
DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPEAK BUT WE DO IT IN SEVERAL LANGUAGES
GRIS, IS A PRODUCT
INDIO GRIS Nº 62
August 2nd, 2001
was on the verge of abandoning everything. I was attacked by viruses and I
distrusted even my own dead mother. Afterwards I realised that it was a more
general thing, bigger than I. Nobody wanted nor had the desire to spoil a poet's
site. It was the army's site they wanted to blow up. They couldn't do much with
the army's site, but 15 million sites of civil people were ruined.
we're are going to blow up the Pentagon" and they blew up 50% of
pornographic pages, which generates a tension in the citizens that no one can
I came to think that it was a way to get a job. I generate the virus and then I
sell the anti-virus. But I asked myself why they don't try
with 10 computers. They would ensure work anyway and the users would very
seldom be bothered.
if it isn't to look for a job, one should ask oneself, who runs that
evilness indiscriminately? That evilness in absolute freedom? That
evilness without friends, without enemies, without allies?
it isn't that I understand much of what I'm talking about, but I'd like, if
possible, not to disturb the growth of poetry.
she grows from the flower and from filth, from beauty but also from blackness.
never feared that a word would touch me
never feared that a word would touch me,
said street, and millions of women and men
to walk along the street I was never able.
and torrents of water flood my memory.
August 16th, 1988
the sun, I have been thinking these days that because of ignoring how life
was here in Spain when we ran away from our country, there are some roads
which that ignorance has blocked forever.
want to say that in the life that we have built for ourselves (to my
understanding because of my ignorance), there is very little room or none
for speculation. That is to say, little space for grandiose narration, for
big quantities of money.
so many lives and so many futures depended exclusively on our work, that
was what we didn't know when we arrived in Spain.
to open a strong and everlasting market, we have abandoned almost all
loves and a big portion of poetry.
my today's understanding, what we have got is not so much, though it gives
us a certain happiness, it is not much and to sustain it we'll have to
work the whole life.
small introduction is to say that I am, you are, a worker. I mean that
someone cannot go around life thinking that he's a king. A worker
is someone who should take care of his muscles, which he will always need,
till the last moment of his life.
say, I think that it isn't as easy as we thought to change the
determination of class.
we can say that it's easier to change sex than social class.
advanced societies, what is inferior isn't manufactured to become superior
at sometime, but for the superior to exist. That is to say that what is
inferior is an invariant in the current development of societies. Man
lives dominated by that; the rest, all the rest, is within the realm of
thought, that is, modifiable.
the case of work, a man who can deal with various works is paid more and
isn't accused of multiple personality or genius, not at all, he is only
paid more. That, if it is a question of work.
the verge of becoming 49, there are things which I don't like. I admit
that hunger and its metaphors have taken me through roads, through
undesired bodies. I admit that I have inhibited everything in me to become
this, that I don't quite like and a little less, too.
change, we will have to change, the whole world changes, but also we'll
have to abandon something and abandoning something is not precisely to
abandon oneself, but on the contrary to stand firmly in one
are not abandoned, you build one.
pretending that I'm vacationing for the first time in 14 years since I
live in Spain, and I've not brought my typewriter, then I say to myself
that, this season, something not yet conceived will happen.
I think of cleaning some part of the grupal body, I realise that if I do
it I'm left without a body.
seen men like us, with a lot less than us make big fortunes. Are we
condemned? -I ask myself. Are we afraid of dying? Are we worried, perhaps,
about what they'll say? I think I know what's happening to me. If I want
to become grand, everyone will oppose; instead if I want to be mediocre,
no one will doubt in recognising that.
the problem is that in that question of nobody interrupting, there isn't
give you a life which cannot be lived.
example, they appointed me general of an army that because it exists only
in my desire, I don't have or is altered.
strong to say at this age that we barely could, but the truth is that we
I think myself I see nothing else but a respectable disregard, where
everything is obtained at a low price, also our work even though it may be
we lived in Buenos Aires, I was a first class citizen, my ambition, my
only ambition is not other than becoming one once more.
is because of that, that more or less in the middle of my working life, I
convoke the thought to say that I hold my life for an instant to try new
directions, new lives.
writings and sayings I must have almost 2,000 pages waiting to be
processed, their time, my desire.
were that song and also the other one.
were, too many times, love and death, signs of those apparently bloodless
fights have remained.
hide the signs left in us by ignorance, by our pride, would take more than
half of the remainder of our lives. So it's better to let the signs be
seen and to occupy all the time with our life, our projects, without
which, I say it just in case it might be forgotten, we would have no life.
speaking. During the journey we had our own laws, that is to say we must
have broken other laws, other sayings about life. If we get down from the
train, if we stop travelling, we will be found guilty of something. Or we
continue travelling or we stop travelling and we get
money to pay the bail.
have only two minutes of peace left. She will appear at any moment.
really don't know how to deal with her today.
asked for today's session, because she got dizzy again, something that hadn't
happened to her for quite a time.
lying, she started her monologue:
Last night I slept only four hours, I should try to avoid those excesses
in the future. Anyway there are things which I already know, and that is
the course of my holidays I had contradictory thoughts about my psychoanalysis.
To go on or stop coming. To come and pay you for talking to you, you who listens
to me because I pay you, I can't bear it.
the other hand, I wanted to start soon because I had a personal experience which
frightened me. And as I didn't have anyone to talk it over with, I had to come
was alone in the lounge, and I had been smoking. I thought of you at the
beginning of the night, about what your work with me had consisted of,
what psychoanalysis had done to me, I decided to write you a letter but I
I started to write a letter to my husband. This man doesn't love me at all. I
sat in the armchair and felt that my body didn't exist. Going on with the letter
I felt I was sinking to the bottom. Later I had a terrible pain in my womb and
went to the bathroom feeling that I was about to faint. Everybody was sleeping,
then I sat to relieve myself and I couldn't and felt I was about to faint,
became silent as if she had fainted in the session and then continued:
I can remember feeling a terrible anguish, I was sweating a lot and
I was cold. My body, I felt I was going to die, all the objects looked
Except you - I told her timidly.
Without listening to me much, she continued.
threw myself to the floor and life came and went and then I rushed into the room
and told him to tell me something and threw up at the foot of the bed. And the
vomit looked like shit and I told him that that was all the shit I had inside
and that we should see why he was treating me so badly.
fell asleep thinking that I had to see you and the next day I was dizzy the
whole day. And it was the day after when the patient's wife called me and I felt
that this way I couldn't attend anyone else. Besides, because of not talking to
nobody, anything can be anything…
summer I had the desire to write, I was open, but dominated, I was a suffering
woman like the women of my mother's family. I don't understand suffering…
there, in that silence I dared to tell her:
It's enough for you to bear it.
We can continue the next time.
time, when she got up, she thanked me.
I stop looking at other women - said the Master to Evaristo believing him
very much in love with Josefina - and I only look at her, she stops
smiling. For her to smile eternally - concluded the Master - each time I
see her I'll cheat on her.
that Evaristo always answers without knowing why:
To establish social relations the best drug is pot.
, in real life, Evaristo could most of the times without any help. In
several opportunities he made love fifteen minutes after getting up.
say that once he met three women in a ball and he danced the whole night
and he got drunk and danced and danced and the women ended up in his arms
before anything could happen and they moved their little asses in a
terrific way, and they say that he went with one of them that same
morning, and that he fucked her until she was totally exhausted, thrown on
Evaristo got dressed and went to fetch the other two, who lived together,
and after having them suck his dick for almost an hour, he came on their
eyes to give them light.
this is to state that Evaristo didn't need of any drug to establish social
relations because of his dick, but he liked pot and various types of
knew that in normal conditions all women would die for him, but he wasn't
totally satisfied with himself, so a little pot, a little alcohol, and
when Evaristo finally would say:
Before I used to be liked only by women, now I too like myself, the
party would begin.
Today I have been in the eye of the magic mountain's light and I
money that is needed to give a necessary step forward for all of us, to
begin with I put it myself. And if I don't have it or I can't get it
quickly, there was no teaching.
money that is needed to give a necessary step forward for all of us, I put
it myself and some others. And if there are no others, there was no
one who can't or doesn't want to pay, doesn't want to pay. No one must
request it from him. The one who doesn't pay will act according to his own
ideology, but if he isn't able to rectify he will end up where his
ideology carries him. That is to say, up to his own image in the mirror,
that is not little, but nobody pays for that.
one who pays doesn't have the result ensured, but he will only be sure
that there will be a game.
win the game doesn't assure the approval of the exam.
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