Mr.
President, I'm sick and tired of your silence,
so I expect that, this time,
you have the courage to answer me
a citizen worried as a Spaniard,
and about this particular issue I'd like to communicate to you
that my husband says, and with no offence,
that I'm a genuine Spaniard,
I dance the tango but more or less,
when talking I trim off the horizon as if I were
a woman from the south, from Andalucía,
and I kneel down only in front of the man
who will ask me gently to do so.
I
write to you because of the tar issue
and some other little thing
we have discovered among your followers.
They don't want you to be President again
because you are, so they say, very bad.
When some of your ministers, or some close adherent
collaborates, accelerates or enlarges a catastrophe,
you punish him, terrible Sir,
by prohibiting him to have his weekly milk chocolate bar.
Very well, Mr. President, that is what we call
to manage justice with gentleness,
in the style of the Mexican mountains:
For friends, the hand;
for enemies, the law.
Then
there is that other matter
of the citizen's cleanliness which,
to tell you the truth, I have always liked.
When I was young I was pro-China
because in China it was obligatory
to have a bath every morning.
Then I also imagine
that you refer to another kind of cleanliness,
the one that you advertise in television:
We will expulse from the Spanish streets
all the seriously ill persons, the chocolate,
Maria, Snow White, all the whores,
all the drunkards and the homosexuals.
All right, Mr. President, I tell you,
if you go ahead with that question of cleanliness
not only you will be left without voters
but Spain, our Spain,
will be left without citizens.
So, as a true mother,
I want to advise you for everybody's well-being.
Leave the street as it is and try
to clean better your sidewalk and,
Mr. President, don't tell lies,
don't tell women that
they are equal to men
because that is theoretically indemonstrable.
And don't tell couples
so they may wish to have children
that it is very easy to educate them.
Remember,
Mr. President, that us,
you also, live in a country
where we can't educate well
not even the dogs.
And before starting to say good-bye
I would like to tell you that it would be wonderful
for all the Spaniards that your Government
would allow citizens to speak
a little like this, or like this, or like this…
But the professionals who form your Cabinet
must
speak in Spanish with elegance,
with distinction and almost with no repetitions, considering
that Spanish is an exquisitely rich language,
and if someone doesn't speak it correctly or can't do it at all,
it doesn't matter, something will have to be studied.
And we already know, because the newspapers say so
and even their private TV channels,
that the presidential men of your party
don't reach nor your good looks, nor your stature,
but, Mr. President, a Leader
has to be amiable with his dolphins,
tell them part of the truth:
my good looks are because of the make-up
and my stature is because, I am all day
standing on the little chair Felipe gave me and,
to tell you the truth, in this moment, seeing
the useless persons surrounding me, I don't know, I don't know]
if
I will be able to abandon the little chair.
Felipe taught me everything.
And it was then when his wife
became presidential when she asked him:
Did he also teach you how to fall from the little chair?
And I don't want to forget
that I wrote the letter
on the question of the war.
My husband told me not to forget to tell you
that it is very regrettable for all Spaniards
that the last speeches delivered by your party
have brought us close to the United States, which is far away,
and have brought us far away from Europe, which is so close.
Ah, something else, he said to me to ask you
if you knew, because I didn't know,
that to win a war
it is necessary to destroy the enemy,
do you understand, Mr. President?
To win a war, it is necessary,
to kill, rape, break, rob, set afire, kill again,
destroy
hospitals so that the enemy can't heal his soldiers,
destroy the schools
so that the enemy's children cannot have education.
And afterwards, Mr. President, to exploit
the ones who are still alive, to steal their natural resources,
govern them with foreign laws
and guide them with a religion that is different to their own.
I don't understand, Mr. President, why you
want to do that to the Iraqi people.
You should consult this issue
with your wife, who being intelligent and a Christian,
must know how to advise you against war.
For instance, she might tell you
that for a Christian it is forbidden
to lie, kill, rape, rob,
and, above all things,
a Christian shouldn't desire his fellow man's woman
and neither his oil.
