Mr.
President, I'm sick and tired of your silence,
so I expect that, this time,
you have the courage to answer me
a worriedcitizen,
as a Spaniard,
and about this particular issue I'd like to let you know
that my husband says, and with no offence meant,
that I'm a genuine Spaniard,
I dance the tango but more or less,
when talking I trim off the horizon as if I were
a woman from the south, from Andalucía,
and I kneel down only in front of the man
who will ask me to do so gently.
I
write to you because off the tar issue
and some other little thing
we have discovered among your followers.
They don't want you to be President again
because you are, so they say, very bad.
When some of your ministers, or some close adherent,
collaborates, he accelerates or enlarges a catastrophe,
you punish him, terrible Sir,
by prohibiting him to have his weekly chocolate milk.
Very well, Mr. President, that is what we call
to manage justice amiably,
in the style of the Mexican mountains:
For the friends, the hand;
for the enemies, the law.
Afterwards
there is that other matter
of the citizens' cleanliness which,
to tell you the truth, I always liked.
When I was young I was pro-China
because in China it was obligatory
to have a bath every morning.
After I also imagine
that you refer to another kind of cleaning,
that one that you advertise on television:
We will expulse from the Spanish streets
all the seriously ill persons, the chocolate,
Maria, Snow White, all the whores,
all the drunkards and the homosexuals.
All right, Mr. President, I tell you,
if you do that question of cleaning
not only you will be left without voters
but Spain, our Spain,
will be left without citizens.
So, as a true mother,
I want to advise you for everybody's well-being.
Leave the street as it is and try
to clean better your sidewalk and,
Mr. President, don't tell lies,
don't tell women that
they are equal to men
because that is theoretically indemonstrable.
And don't tell couples
so they may wish to have children
that it is very easy to educate them.
Remember, Mr. President, that us,
you also, live in a country
where we can't educate well
not even the dogs.
And before starting to say good-bye
I would like to tell you that it would be wonderful
for all the Spaniards that your Government
would allow citizens to speak
a little like this, or like this, or like this.
But the professionals who integrate your Cabinet
must speak in Spanish with elegance,
with distinction and almost without repetitions, all the more
considering that Spanish is an exquisite rich language,
and if someone doesn't achieve to speak it correctly or can't do it at all,
it doesn't matter, he will have to study something.
And
we already know, because the newspapers say so
and even your private TV channels,
that the presidents-to-be of your party
don't reach nor your good looks, nor your stature,
but, Mr. President, a Leader
has to be amiable with his dolphins,
tell them part of the truth:
about the good looks is because of the make-up
and about my stature is because, I am all day,
standing on the small chair Felipe gave me and,
to tell you the truth, in this moment, seeing
the useless persons surrounding me, I don't know, I don't know,
if I will be able to abandon the little chair.
Felipe taught me everything.
And it was right there where his wife
became president-to-be when she asked you:
Did he teach you how to fall from the little chair?
And I don't want to forget
that I wrote the letter
because of the question of the war.
My husband told me not to forget to tell you
that it is very regrettable for all Spaniards
that the last speeches delivered by your party
have brought us close to the United States, which is far away,
and have brought us far away from Europe, which is so close.
Ah, something else, he said to me to ask you
if you knew, because I didn't know,
that to win a war
it is necessary to destroy the enemy,
do you understand, Mr. President?
To win a war, it is necessary,
to kill, rape, break, rob, set afire, kill again,
destroy hospitals so that the enemy can't heal his soldiers,
destroy the schools
so that the enemy's children cannot have education.
And afterwards, Mr. President, to exploit
the ones who remain alive, to steal their natural resources,
govern them with foreign laws
and guide them with a different religion to their own.
I don't understand, Mr. President, why you
want to do that to the Iraqi people.
You should consult this issue
with your wife, who being intelligent and Christian,
must know how to advise you against war.
For instance, she might tell you
that for a Christian it is forbidden
to lie, kill, rape, rob,
and, above all things,
a Christian cannot desire his fellow man's woman
and neither his oil.