INDIO GRIS
INDIVIDUAL MAGAZINE OF GARBAGE
COLLECTION
Nº 13. YEAR 2000- AUGUST, THURSDAY 24
FUSIONED - DIRECTED - WRITTEN AND CORRESPONDED BY: MENASSA 2000
WE DON'T KNOW HOW TO SPEAK BUT WE DO IT
IN SEVERAL LANGUAGES
SPANISH, FRENCH, ENGLISH, GERMAN,
ARABIAN,
PORTUGUESE, ITALIAN, CATALAN
INDIO GRIS, IS A PRODUCT
OF A FUSION
THE
BRIGTHENESS OF THE GREY
AND
THE JARAMA INDIAN
THE FUSION WITH MORE
FUTURE OF THE
XXI CENTURY
INDIO
GRIS N° 13
Today,
J to1d her c1eaIly, I am a gambler, I live undennined for unforgettable
tniths, SO I can do almost notbing for your current pain.
2
For
carldidates that aspire to be psychoarlalists of the School that I psychoanalysis,
I want to tell that, if psychoanalysis is only usefull to think, then it
is not useful at all.
3
Ten
years ago, I said to myself that I must stop checking the stocks. There were
a1ready checked. Now, it is necessary to learn how to use the stocks.
Today,
I must say that someone who is not able to be used , has not demostrate his
existence, he doesn't exist.
4
Even
now (in 1986), I must not be worried about if they pay me or not. Money is not
anymnore a problem for me, although it is so tor the world. Those who want me
working, will have the problem of paying me and if they aspire that I do it
right, they wil1 have the problem of paying me a 1itt1e bit more. The same thing
that with tips, do you understarld?
5
In
the same way I learned to earn money with anything, I mean working for any boss,
I must learn to write aJld read in anyway.
I remember that when a man makes his feelings weaker, he gets stronger.
6
November
9th, 1986. Today, I went to recite with three other poets to the bloody
AnlelicaJl Co-operation Institute. They didn't pay me the 25.000 pesetas that they
paid the other three poets because the bloody Headmaster said tllat I eaIned too
rnuch money with my job.
Poetry did give a step forward but things do not nm so well for me.
7
December
28th, 1986 An inner force, I must let mysel to be guided for some inner
force. Something that comes from the deepest part of my roots, that is, from
the desire's centre. Something like to find the way of a vocation, the way of
a destiny.
An
inner force, I want to have an inner force .Without an inner force, it is no
going to be possible. The enemies of the Poetry's power live near. me, they
eat my food, they make love with my loves. Without an inner force, I will finis
being as ordinary as them, too.
Afterwards, they wi1l even jump over our dead bodies, still warm, our poems.
8
August
7th, 2000. Benahnadena Coast.
Now
, I´am by the sea but far from the sea.
In
a month and a few days, will be Sixtty and it seems to me that it is quite a
few number of years. The past season was terrific. I had to fight against
everybody inc1uding me, too. Thris year., almost Iike all the neurotics around
me, I wanted to rest in peace. Thank God, I didn't believe it,but I must
accept that I live with people that is dead without living but they still
walk.
9
When
I get back to Madrid, I'll try to take more care of my body. Tirnetables,
food, study, work and some painting, from that I will live and as we are talking
of the body, a little bit of love, some poetry, too.
Body,
I must be able to love the body! ..
10
If
I wish to die like everybody, it's necessary to have a body, yelled the damned
and while he was yelling, he bumped his head against the wa1l , in order to
have a head.
11
August
8th, 2000. Bena1madena More than in the coast, inside the hotel.
When
I looked myselfin the mirror, I didn't see me handsome. With more wrinkles
than usua1 and tired. Nowadays, I am aware that it's easier for me to work as
psychoana1ist than to live from gambling.
Yesterday,
it could be said, that I cracked her, gambling from 5 p.m. to 5 a.m. Ionly
stopped thrice: I went to the bathroom, I said hello! with a bow to my family
and I distracted myself a foment thinking that gamblers, as they are playing,
keep a conversation with God. God hears hem (they know it) and once in a
while, He makes them win (not a1l ofthem know this truth). So, when a gambler
wins, he is proving himselfthe materia1, the definite existence of God. The
money he earns by the Divine grace.
Gambling
, then, is a shy way of loving God, of going on proving His existence. The
Spanish Govenment knows it, at least in an unconscious way , therefore they
spend more money suggesting people to spend in games ( everyday more and more
so fina1ly, they even promise that playing you will find happiness ) instead
of using money to suggest people to work or study.
Actua1ly,
the results of this State operation are the following: a considerable increase
of games and places where gambling is possible, sponsored by the State ,and an
a1arming decrease of University places and jobs.
Something has been said for me, tomorrow I will try to read a book , to reach the sea.
12
Again, 1986. My back ache resists, in this moment, any interpretation and I am worried all the time, too. I am thinking everything even to go back to Buenos Aires. Later on, I rea1ised that ,on my favour , doesn't mean that I win ; it means that everything that happens concerns me even if I loose.
13
August 22nd, 1997
It was clear to me that to keep a distance from my writings,my writings need to be published.
When is finished the edition of my book "Las 2001 noches", a part of my youth will be closed. Now, it must come atype of writing according to a middle-aged man or thre wont´t be a middle age for me.
Imust not think so mush about the results, I must think about the moves.To invest in the system several milion of pesetas will allow that something moves and thet is what I want.
14
What
a beast woman are. I imagine that men are too, but I have studiedy them less.
Love
is love and business are business. She was a poor woman-man that mixed business
with love.
15
Some food kill but there are sexual relationships that poison any food.
16
There
are women-men that claim for a freedom that they are not ready to give to other
people. They are like the Foreign Office Secretaries in some way.
17
To
restrain my way of eating will make me good but it would be better for me that
people around me restrain themselves a little bit. .
18
Even
my mother has sexua1ity! was a sentence that I produced in my youth when I
discovered the human sexuality. T oday , I can move this sentence to my current
life to tell the world:
Even
the old people have sexuality!
There was something in my life that I couldn't digest properly and that was all.
19
-I
feel myself watched even in the Casino, I feel myse1f absolutely watched.
Someone is watching me all the time, even when I fall asleep and that one is me.
20
To build up, like I am doing, a new isuue of Indio Gris by the sea, revolts me.
About El Brillo de lo Gris, if I pull out from my life´s roof 30, 40 of the past years, I am left outdoors.
21
In
two or three centuries time, when counts the written poems only , I will win.
Now, it is suitable for me to go on writing and if I win some award before I
am 100 years old, pay attention!, the Jury belongs to me.
22
Human
sexuality is always child sexuality, eventhough I practise it that I am going
to be 60 in a few days time.
Human
sexuality is interested , with an exceeding passion , in writing history . The
Human Sexuality History but it is not real1y concemed in the results.
When
the psychic subject comes to this point, he can enjoy not only with the word,
he can also enjoy with the body.
23
You
just live, boy, and never ask who willlove you for that!
24
I love you and I want you, shouted the damned, but I need my secretary.
25
The
surface of your countenance
that one carved on the blush's stone vanished
Nostalgic sea, sea I summon you to die.
26
I
don 't know how they can manage. Sometimes, I feel that I didn't have entirely
accept to work as a psychoanalist.
There
are stil1 some sentences that make me think, when is is not for thinking that
they paya psychoanalist.
27
Before
I went to the sea, I was present at the conversation between two supposed
psychoanalists, man woman, woman man, talking about daily problems and I had
the feeling of coming back to the past of mankind. They seémed a couple of
Low Paleolithic rhinoceros but I should say that perhaps I have made a
mistake.
28
They
talked of money like if it was shit. They talked of their own shit like if it
was gold. They talked of gold like if it was love. The final result is that
they don 't know what love is and they only care for remaining just like that,
detained in that remote point of History , unnamed.
29
At
60's , I should be worried for what people will say a of me in a couple of
It is just done. My voice won't reach the stars because men can 't go there yet but to vibrate for 300, 1000 years, if it has been achieved by many men and some women. That is what my voice will reach.
30
To
ask, we must always ask for the right , never for the necessary. And I don't
31
Life
was given to me to be lived, shouted the damned, but She
doesn't allow me
32
In the beginning ofAugust, MOMGALERY sold the first drawing and that paid this advertisement
momgalery .com a new painting every week, a new drawing everyday.
33
We
live as if we were dying and that who speaks had been killed in three
ocassions at war .
34
I watched pigeons as they move fearfully away but I didn't killed them.
35
Something
strange happened to me with love, said the damned, I never see
There
are sentences like stones thrown to the heart, said the damned to his wife and
the day after, he died from a heart attack.
37
There is food in bad condition and states of mind that rot any food.
38
Now,
they will come to talk with us and we will say them that we, too.
39
She
is sullen, abrupt, steep and she is not a mountain, she is a woman. She can 't
go further, she has reached her intelligence's limit and yet she didn't
realise that, once more, she has been defeated by her mother .
And
she will come, in twenty years time, to ask me if I was not aware of that and
I will answer her that me, too.
40
It
was a desesperate love. A spell of pain, in the flesh, all the time.
41
I
have ordered spinachs, tomatoes and Iberic jam for lunch. Before that, I walked
to the seafront, I reached the shore and I felt that I had to go back to my
room.
I
don 't know if this time I will succeed in getting someone who loves so much
raving. Like, that vegetables are good, that too much sun is not good for health
and that the best is to leave love for the dying people. I don't know if it is
possible.that someone loves some much good sense.
42
Hours
grow bigger with your resounding pace
Time shoots itself to see you walk along.
Days are the veil of your slow agony.
Your agony, the night of war and peace.
Etemity, etemity, I have you here, at the reach of my blindness and I dont't see
Only
the cruel punishment of your impossible absence.
As a writer, I am reluctant to use language, even more I would rather like to
leam completely to let me be used by language. Gratifying thing, where the joy
doesn 't
Perfect
sea, too long absence.
POETA
CONDENADO
IS A BOOK, TOO
It
never happens
it isn´t happening
it only can be read